Tag Archives: unicycles

Did you see the unicorn porn?!

So yesterday, I treated you to a hilarious picture of a unicorn with a unibrow on a unicycle. We all laughed. Remember?

Under the auspices of making sure that posts are being posted properly, but truly as the result of extreme narcissism, I subscribe to my own blog on Feedly. (It’s super satisfying to see the posts pop up in my feed– I get to see them how other people get to see them and I love it!) This morning, my unicorn picture popped up.


Any other Feedly subscribes out there? If so, my sincerest apologies!

Except obviously I’m not that sorry, because if I were, I wouldn’t be posting it here:

Unicorn Porn
Unicorn Porn

Oh dang. That bike seat plus cropping. Well, that’s just unfortunate.

And hilarious to me.

I’ll forgive you if you click unsubscribe now…

(please don’t unsubscribe… please don’t unsubscribe…)

Also yesterday, I want kind of crazy with alliteration. I just love writing that way! And I kept thinking about it all night last night… until the reason I love it so much popped into my head. One word:


{Source-- because of course there's a whole Wiki page on it!}
{Source— because of course there’s a whole Wiki page on it!}

Growing up, this was truly my favorite game (and I totally want to play it right now… can we at our next game night, friends? I will buy it and bring it AND bring a bottle of wine so you don’t all hate me!) and we played it all. the. time.

It was a blast. For me, anyway. In large part though, the blast was had because I took advantage of young children. Let me tell you how.

My cousin Spruce and I are relatively close in age (fun fact: Spruce was born on the exact same day– month, day, and year!– as my husband!) and we loved more than anything to gang up on our little sisters. Fortunately for us, our little sisters pretty much worshiped us and were willing to play just about anything even if it meant that they had to be Swahili nerds that got electrocuted by a phone cord, run around as Dr. Pig and Dr. Snort, or get their butts handed to them in a rousing game of Scattergories.

Have you played Scattergories before? The basic premise is that you have to come up with words that start with a given letter and are in a certain category. For example, you roll the letter D, the category is Movies, you could write Die Hard for one point or Dirty Dancing for two. If someone else writes the same thing as you, they cancel each other out and neither of you gets any points. What you couldn’t write would be something like dumb Disney movies. The Disney might get you a point if your companions are feeling generous… the dumb? Not so much… it’s an adjective.

As an evil, conspiratorial child, the trick was knowing what adjectives were, how to use them, and how to lie. Spruce and I went nuts with the alliteration. Letter S, category scary things, our answer: seven slippery snakes slithering slowly (5 points!), but when our poor little sisters wrote down sand storm we’d scream adjective!!!!! and allow them, appearing to be benevolent, a point for the storm. Even though the sand would totally have been a point because it describe a particular type of storm. (For the purpose of distinction scary storm would legitimately not have counted).

We’ve chatted before about how I’m a jerk because I love (oy, my poor, poor little sister! she has put up with so much! and btw, you can click on the hyperlinked “jerk” if you want to see her underwear again… just saying…) and I think this is just another example of that. Because to be honest, there can’t possibly have been any pleasure in beating the pants off our little sister when we’d cheated against them so very, very badly… and yet… I remember these events with great, great joy. Therefore, it must have been the torture and the cheating itself that I loved. In-ter-es-an-te. (Dis-tur-ban-te???)


***All sample categories and answers are purely fictional, made up for the purpose of story telling and to protect the innocent. The letters? Not so much. Like a D needs any protection. Please.

Unity, Uniformity, Unicycles, and Unicorns

Hey, friends! How were your collective weekends? Wonderful I hope! Want your Monday to get just a bit better?

Ok… this:


Thank you, beautiful Internet! Thank you, Google Image search! Thank you, unicorn on a unicycle (with a unibrow) for being so very, very awesome!

Not really the point though. Just awesome.

The real point is unity. And I’d like to juxtapose it with uniformity.

I started thinking on this line of thought at church this weekend. The priest was trying to make a similar distinction during his homily. To be perfectly honest with you, I wasn’t really buying what he was selling. So I re-wrote it in my head and now I’m bringing it to you– get ready for church, y’all!

(Oh man, I sound like I have a total God complex or something now.)

So here’s my homily.

I’d never really thought about the difference between unity and uniformity. They both mean same-same, right? (That’s what my friend Emily used to say when she was real little, we’d look for ways we were same-same. And it reminds me of the movie Return to Me when David Duchovny’s super lame date says “green green, matchy matchy!!”)

Except now that I think about it, it’s same-same, but in a different-different sort of way.

Uniformity is the jeans from the Limited Too (omg, do you remember that awful, awful store) I wanted so very, very desperately to fit into so that I’d be like the other girls in my grade. Unity are the girls who didn’t care whether I fit into them or not.

Uniformity is getting just enough wrong to still get an A, but not an A+ (of course Rachel Vonck got an A-plus!) or an A- (oh my gooooosh, Rachel Vonck got an A-minus?!) to try to avoid being made fun of. Unity is having an AP Biology study group made up of people exactly. like. you. A-pluses all around!!

Uniformity is going through the motions and trying to get ahead. Unity is blazing trails for yourself and others.

Uniformity is doing anything and everything you can to fit the mold. Unity is recognizing and embracing the ways in which you stand out.

Uniformity is what governs the Mean Girls world of middle school. Unity is what probably should.

Fortunately, when you get over the need for uniformity at all costs, unity kind of comes naturally. And it feels oh so very, very much better.

The priest basically said that uniformity is rote, unity is choice. I can kind of see that, but I also kind of disagree. Because I think they’re both choices. Uniformity is the choice to squeeze into awful and tiny pants because the label is right, to not perform to your full potential because you are afraid to be teased. It’s about what’s on the outside, instead of what’s on the inside.

Unity is about what’s on the inside. On the inside, I’m a unicorn with a unibrow riding a unicycle. I’m a t-rex eating a t-bone in a tent. I’m a muggle practicing magic against the Ministry’s wishes. I’m an a-hole whose too fond of alliteration to accept that this has gone too far…

Wishing you a happy, happy Monday! (Unless you had the day off– then I’m jealous and I hope your day was merely happy.)