Tag Archives: grant

Drugs are the devil.

Lent! Posting every day! I was going to do it! But…



Heroin is why I didn’t– no, couldn’t! do it yesterday. For seriously.


It’s a big problem in these parts. Well, not just heroin, but opioids in general. And I’m trying to be part of the solution (you know, not part of the precipitate– ah ha ha ha!) by working on a grant to help quell the problem a bit up in the Northwoods.

The truth is, sometimes work drives — me — craaaazy — and other times, I wish there were more hours in the day so that I could work and work and write and write because I am on a roll and I believe in what I’m doing. Like super believe in it.

So anyway, that’s what I was doing last night. And what I’ve been doing tonight and will be doing tonight after this until I hit the hay. Don’t feel bad. I’m legit excited about this and really, really want it to move forward– another one of those grants that I’m just going to be so freaking proud of. So proud!

So what did we miss yesterday?

Oy! It was a good one. And I first read it in the morning so I had all day to ponder it and even jotted down some notes in my sweeeet new planner (totally worth the planer-less month on back order)… here’s what it was:

“You shall worship the Sovereign your God, and God only shall you serve.” –Matthew 4:10

Uh huh. One God. But whose got the right one? You? Me? Them? The folks who caught the comet early?

“These words trip off the tongue – all the while I worship other gods. Lesser genies of my ravenous soul. I have worshiped so many false gods in life, yet in the collapse of each of them – and they have indeed all collapsed – I have come closer, ironically, to the god who is God. Everything else has failed me – people, privilege, positions, profit – but not this God who is ‘not in the whirlwind.’ That God, like a magnet, draws me on. And someday, perhaps, I will lose myself down the black hole of nothingness and find everything. Without the dissatisfaction of the soul, how would we ever find our way to more.”

Joan says it doesn’t matter– yours, mine, theirs, Hale-Bopp.

When we think of God as infinite good and unconditional love, false gods are all those things that simply get in the way of goodness and love.

The things that satisfy our soul, the things that bring us closer to God, then, are the things that promote goodness. Celebrate love.

And maybe that’s my big fat problem with almost all religions, the reason I always end up feeling dissatisfied… because to me, rules, and the blind following of all the rules simply because they are the rules does not, for me, promote goodness and celebrate love.

Too much celebrating of rules and and promoting of exclusion. All of that– it’s not good for my soul.


But back to the heroin for now, k? Bonus post on Sunday, perhaps– 40 days and all that.

Drugs really are the devil, eh?

A short and quick list of things I love. No lamps.

Ho-ly cow! When it rains it pours! And I am basically being swept away!

Also over-dramatic.

But for seriously, I’m writing a big old grant right now and by the time I get home (late! woe is me!), I’ve basically used up all of my writing juices and I’ve been unable to get anything bloggy out the door (although stuff’s cooking, I swear it).

All day today, though, I’ve been itching, itching, itching to write for fun! Weird because I was also on a crazy roll all day with less fun writing– if my fingers weren’t moving a mile a minute, my mouth was! Talking and writing and thinking and writing some more. Super productive!

So quickly, while the juices are flowing, a short and quick list of things I super love! Ready? Go!

1. My sister’s use of emoji. She’s a genius at it… she turns it into an art.

For real though, I'm going to Tennessee to see a dear friend and then to hang out with my dad and a bunch of nuns and I couldn't be more excited!!
For real though, I’m going to Tennessee to see a dear friend and then to hang out with my dad and a bunch of nuns and I couldn’t be more excited!!

Those emojis though, right?! It’s awesome, awesome, funny, ha ha… then bam, martini glass and I die! I love my sister girl so so so much, you guys!


2. Making humble people accidentally compliment themselves. It’s the best! I think I like it so much because it satisfies my evil tendency to trick people into doing things while still being nice. Genius! (Evil genius– wringing hands, narrowing eyes…) I kind of got my friend Marie to acknowledge being fascinating and thoughtful today. It was thrilling! (She’s both, by the way, for seriously. And way too humble about it.)


3. Watching people open the perfect Christmas gift. And this is really my favorite favorite. The thing I love more than anything else throughout the whole year.

I don’t want to toot my own horn too loudly here or anything, but I am a good gift giver. (And I’ve got almost all of my gifts for this year already! Burning a hole in my metaphorical pocket because I just want to give them all right NOW!) Because I love it. I love thinking of something and then watching someone else open it and finding the just right thing inside– so satisfying! It makes me crazy happy.

And this grant right now. It’s like that. As I’m finishing it up, I feel like it’s Christmas… which is what prompted this post.

It’s insane, really, this grant. I’ve been working my tail of and I’m completely beat, but you guys, it’s GOOD. Like real good. I’m more proud of this than I’ve ever been of anything else I’ve ever written. Even my dissertation.

Let me say that again real quick:


That’s big! But this is big, and I’m so excited! It’s like I’m putting on the finishing touches, wrapping it up just so and affixing a perfectly coordinated label and bow before slipping it under the tree and I’m getting so crazy excited to see it opened up!

Where in this case the grant is the gift, and the tree is PCORI, and the recipients are the physicians I’m writing for, and you know, metaphors.

Just trust me, it’s good. And worth the time it’s taking. Worth every single second, because it could really help some people and the people I’m writing for are 100% inspiring.

So… as a wise man once sang to us all while changing his shoes:

I’ll be back, when the grant (poetic license) is through

And I’ll have more ideas for you

You’ll have things you want to talk about

I will too.

See you on the flipside!!! (of the grant.. because I’ve been busy writing it… I made that clear already, right?)


Oh. And #4. I also love Anchorman. Hence the lamp thing in the title.


My grant! It was ROUND!

Imagine for a moment that the world really had been flat when Columbus decided to sail around it. He’d have literally fallen off the face of the Earth.

His trip took a long time and I can’t imagine that cell service reached that far meaning that contact with home was non-existent. As such, people probably thought that he did fall off the face of the Earth.

Last Thursday, I said yes to a real big grant with a very short timeline.

And as you may have noticed, I sailed my ship right off the face of the Earth.

Or so you thought!

But like the world, my grant was round, and here I am! Back among the living! (Just a little tired…)

Sigh of relief though. That was a doozy! The grant still isn’t technically out the door and I’ve spent most of the day today making minor tweaks and changes and edits and such, but for the most part, it’s ready to go. Monday is the official deadline, and on Monday, “send” shall be clicked. Huzzah!

In the meantime, I had a total It’s a Wonderful Life moment. My house was a MESS! I almost took before and after cleaning pictures last night… but it was simply too horrifying to even be funny. We had crossed the line. (See! I matter! I really do!)

My gmail inbox has 55 unread emails– and that’s after deleting the junk! (Huge apologies if I’ve been ignoring you!)

Insane Inbox

I have an episode of Downton Abbey on the DVR (what that whaaaaat?!).

(It's the Masterpiece Classic one. Permission to judge.)
(It’s the Masterpiece Classic one. Permission to judge.)

My nail polish is flaking off to a pathetic point and I haven’t even had the time to pick at it. (But I love picking at it!!)

Nail Polish

And I haven’t posted on Under the Tapestry in over a week!!!

No Posts

Oy. None of this is ok. Thank goodness for this upcoming weekend!

But there are some reasons why the insane hours and the seriously mentally taxing work (and not just mentally! I hurt my finger on a staple! writing can be physically taxing too!) was completely worth it… there were some silver linings, if you will.

First, I learned A LOT. About A LOT.

Unfamiliar funding mechanism, unfamiliar topic, unfamiliar PI. But not anymore.

I could write another HRSA grant, and I could do it well. (Fingers crossed HRSA thinks it’s written as well as I think it is.) Especially given more time. Because seriously, I could have used more time. A lot more time.

The topic– fascinating!! I have a personal interest in improving access to behavioral health services (because remember, I’ve kind of cra-a-azy) and I think the proposed project offers a really wonderful way to do that in our community. Very easy to get on board. Not as easy to learn the material. But I read and read and read (and googled and googled and googled) and I’ve come out the other side with a much better understanding of the role that different types of health professionals can play in behavioral healthcare as well as how the different pieces of the organization I work for can fit together to make that happen. Fascinating stuff!

And the PI… she was wonderful. Truly a dream to work with. She’s passionate about what she does and really understands how to make care better for patients. And that’s why she does what she does and why I wanted to help her do more of it. She makes all those hours worth it… and will continue to do so as I cash in on some favors I’m owed to help advance some other program grants I’ve been toying around with. (Mr. Burns-style excellent.)

So, yes, I am tired. And my poor husband is starved near to death. But we survived it. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat, even if it meant there was another week where we couldn’t chat.

(That’s not to say I haven’t missed you, because I have! And dearly!)

Anyway, I’ve sailed back to you, little lovelies! Back to Earth, back to normal, back to our regularly scheduled programming. Yay!!