Tag Archives: book club

Pamela and Bernadette — the flour and the fiction

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Dang, guys… you and your friends and your mom and your dog are all basically freaking awesome. I write some of the craziest, silliest, saddest, weirdest, yet super honest, stuff and you’re awesome about it. Every time. The more whatever-est it is, the more supportive you (and your friends and mom and dog) are and I’m so super grateful. Huge props from me… and my therapist, who agrees that the catharsis of Under the Tapestry is probably the number one factor keeping me out of the loony bin. I mean, I assume he’d agree based on his positive comments regarding the post and the response to it. However, “loony bin” isn’t a phrase he tends to use all that often (i.e. ever– professionalism or whatever). So thanks for that. I’ll let you know either way in a couple of weeks and we can all cry happy or sad tears, eat happy or sad ice cream (with lactaid), and think happy or sad thoughts together.

When I say cathartic, I mean it, and it’s amazing how fessing up to that one dark moment seems to have released so many additional words that have been queuing up for a while. (Queuing because it’s my goal in life to become British. Obviously.)

So with the exception of on-the-internet I am, in all other respects, an introvert, which means, for the most part, I don’t love social situations on account of I’m incredibly awkward. Seriously.

Except it’s a little more nuanced than that because I don’t find being overly familiar with someone whose willing to be overly familiar right back a problem. For example, I’ll probably make a lame joke if we try to talk about the weather for 10 minute at a party, but if I run into you in the bathroom and you confess that you’re suffering from diarrhea, we’re basically going to hit it off right away. Probably I’ll tell you about all the GI distress I’ve struggled with and we’ll laugh and say, “ha ha ho ho hee hee– clearly we were meant to meet like this!”

(Quick fun fact– I just got a text from a brand new, way too quickly overly familiar friend that said “Well let’s just say maybe our meeting was meant to be.” With the exception of the “ha ha ho ho hee hee” I’m basically just writing from real life, yo.)

Books are what makes my introvert heart particularly happy because when you have read the same book as someone, you automatically have an intimate connection that you don’t have with just any random person on the street– no GI involvement necessary. And I think, after much consideration, that is why I like book clubs so very, very, very much.

It’s a social situation, that’s awkward, but it’s a bunch of other people who read the same book as you which means their mind has been in that same storied place and let every one of the same words and characters and thoughts and ideas tumble around in their brain just like you did. Maybe even some different thoughts or ideas about the very same words and characters. That’s intimacy right there. It’s also something non-small to talk about. An introvert-who-paradoxically-also-craves-social-connection’s dream.

So I basically love book clubs. I love everything about them. Everything except the social anxiety inducing process of identifying potential members, inviting identified potential members, and hosting a get together with all accepting invited identified potential members.

I guess you could say that it’s getting to the point of comfort with people that we can begin to relate over books that’s the hard part.

Despite the my awkwardness and the necessity to participate in uncomfortable activities (like talking to other humans who didn’t already know about my secret nerdiness) to get to the good part, I managed to start a third book club and we met for the first time a couple weeks ago to discuss The Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler.

Success!

Everything about a book club is truly a celebration of the nerd-tastic to me and I spared no expense on Saturday. While reading the book on my Kindle, I highlighted any mention of the snacks and drinks served by each host. At game time, I noted the highlights, looked up recipes, and managed (with the tremendous help of my dear friend Amy) to whip up a feast fit for even the picky perfectionist Jocelyn. Granted, we’re not classy enough for the wine selections mentioned in the book… but everything else! Moscato and sweet white and sparkling pink to be served over ice (am I making your teeth hurt?) for my crew!

We had creme de menthe squares and lemon bars and molasses cookies and almond crescent cookies and cheese and crackers and venison sausage (Wisconsin, yo… and Matt got a deer!) and bottle after bottle after bottle of delicious wine.

It was a delicious menu, to be sure, but I was a bit concerned going into the event because I didn’t just want to make and serve it all… I also wanted to eat it all! So I endeavored to make as much as I could gluten-free and dairy-free. That’s where Pamela comes in…

Pamela the miracle worker.

Pamela the business-woman.

Pamela the magician and creator of the most amazing gluten-free flour I’ve ever tried:

Pamela’s All Purpose Flour – Artisan Blend

It says it can be substituted cup for cup for regular flour. Hard to believe, but in this case, finally true. The lemon bars, molasses cookies, and almond crescent cookies were all amazing… I don’t even think you’d know the difference if I didn’t tell you (although Seth swears that he can). Huge victory for me and by little buddy Noah this Christmas season– can’t wait to share all the recipes with his mom!

So Pamela was the first champ of the evening. I cannot recommend that amazing four highly enough if you struggle to bake gluten free!

And then came Bernadette. Not a flour. She’s the fiction.

At book club, people came and went… some stayed the whole time, others popped in for a bit and left early, but once everyone was all gathered around in my living room (doh! not enough comfy chairs!) we popped the movie version of the Jane Austen Book Club in and watched for our friends who hadn’t had a chance to read the whole book.

It’s the same general story, of course, by the characters in the movie were basically mutilated… especially Prudie’s poor husband Dean who really got the short end of the movie stick, I must say. But besides that, at the end of the night, as five girls remained (some of us tipsy, myself included), four of whom were introverts (Amy, let’s face it, you’re as extroverted as they come), we all decided that the best character in the movie, the one we all endeavor to be like, was Bernadette.

Granted, book Bernadette was probably a good twenty years older than movie Bernadette, but that didn’t change the fact that she was a woman who was 100% comfortable in her own skin… no matter what. And we all loved that. Who wouldn’t?

Maybe someday it will be the norm for us, that level of self-comfort. I hope so! But more importantly… it is my sincere hope that we, at the very least, become that way around one another in relatively short order. Wine will help at first, of course. Wine and gluten-free cookies. But a bunch of introverts out of their shell on account of books? Seems like a recipe for comfort to me.

Perhaps someday I’ll even write all of us into a book. A couple of teachers, an environmental policy specialist, a science writer, some doctors, a nurse, a healthcare administrator… and the recurring and fascinatingly flighty Sister Doctor. You’ll read it, right? Somebody’s going to need to start breeding dogs and dating a sci-fi enthusiast… then we’ll have it down.

Q is for a “word” I hate: qua.

Nerds., Recurring Themes, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sometimes late at night when I’m having trouble falling asleep, I pull out my iPhone (terrible for sleep, I know!) and play the game Bookworm until I finally find myself drifting off. It started off as more of an obsession, of course, as all iPhone games do, but I eventually got millions of points and got bored of it and now it’s like counting sheep. Except when there’s a dang Q.

The basic premise of the game is to make words and get points without letting one of the flaming tiles get to the bottom of the board. If it does– BOOM! The whole thing explodes and it’s game over.

Bookworm
Welcome to Bookworm! (That’s what the worm says if you’ve got the volume turned on when you open it up. It’s also what my sister says if you ever mention the game. Apparently, it provides endless hours of entertainment while breast feeding or pumping or the like.)

Q is, just as in Scrabble, kind of a toughy, but Bookworm actually gives you the u to go with it and counts that Q-U combo as two letters of the three letter minimum. After that, it becomes relatively easy to add an A, make the word “qua” and move on.

Except freaking QUA. What… the… heck???

I can’t stand words I just don’t get. It stresses me out.

CAN’T STAND IT.

It’s why I quit Words With Friends real quick.

You see, it’s not that I don’t believe that words I don’t understand are real words. I’m perfectly capable of looking them up, reading the definition, and moving on with my life. I’m also perfectly cool with made up, Dr. Suess-style words because generally I get them, even though they are for fake and have no true Websterian definition. (See, Webserian, I can even make up my own words. And you, intelligent reader, no doubt get what I mean.)

But qua? I just can’t handle it.

Here’s why:

Google search for "qua"
Google search for “qua”

Obnoxious. Perhaps a few other sample sentences would help:

The work of art qua art can be judged by aesthetic criteria only. (Thanks, Dictionary.com)

<discussing the story qua story> (Very helpful, Mirriam-Webster.com)

he’s hard to pin down if you get him on entertainment qua entertainment (Right, oxforddictionaries.com, very good)

It’s all clear now, eh?

Except it’s not to me. Granted, according to Google (what a sweet graph!), it’s an old word and usage has waned considerably over time.

Definitions by Google... even better than dictionary sites. Super impressed.
Definitions by Google… even better than dictionary sites. Super impressed.

But even in that case, I can usually appreciate a word anyway.

For example, I’m currently reading the book The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco as part of our 1001 book challenge. The book was first published in Italian in 1980 and translated into English in 1983 (love me some Wiki!), but takes place in the 14th century and is written accordingly. I’m super glad that I’m reading it on my Kindle because it allows me to quickly look up words I don’t already know or can’t figure out from the context… or those that I can figure out, but make me curious anyway. Like pudenda, another word for the external genital organs. It’s like the 14th century monk’s way of saying cock, in my mind anyway. And I get that.

I don’t get qua.

Perhaps I never will.

And it bugs me.

Worst of all: I continue to use it to avoid letting my little game blow up in my face. Honestly, I try to make queen or quiet or quote instead, but those are tough, and more often than not, I resort to qua. And for that, I am ashamed.

Such a tiny little word to cause such a large amount of stress in my life. Clearly, I have a problem. And that problem is words.

Words are also the solution though, and here I share qua with you. Now it’s your problem, too. Can you give me a better sentence? Something more useful? A better reason for this QUA?! I’d appreciate it very much.

A Quarterly Book Club Review: Murderers and Nerdy Girls Work Late, Deadly Contact, and Mary: Mrs. A Lincoln

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One of the items that’s been on my to do list for quite a while now is a quarterly book club review. This is a review of the books we’ve read for my actual in person, physical book club in the last three months… I thought you might want to know about them! Especially because all three were G-O-O-D good! And, for some reason, people often ask me to recommend books. It’s like they know I (really) like reading or something 😉

(Also, I just finished The Master of Ballantrae last night for our Under the Covers virtual book club, but I’ll tell you all about that one another time.)

I think I’ve mentioned all three of the books we’ve read so far at some point, simply because when I read I get very wrapped up in the fictional world I’m enjoying and it’s hard (really, really hard) for me not to let it creep out into my real life. (Take, for example, my new Hermione-style time turner to keep me from sitting in front of the computer for big, long, extended periods of time.) But here are my real, true, comprehensive reviews of the first three books we read… all in one place.

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I wasn’t kidding… cannot even tell you how thrilled I was to find this little guy! Although disappointed that it doesn’t actually run for an entire hour.

So, without further ado, let me tell you about Murderers and Nerdy Girls Work Late by Lisa Boero, Deadly Contact by Lara Lacombe, and Mary: Mrs. A Lincoln by Janice Cooke Newman.

Murderers and Nerdy Girls Work Late by Lisa Boero

{Available at Amazon.com}
{Available at Amazon.com}

(Dang… that picture is big. I just noticed the goosebumps on the legs– that’s hilarious to me!)

I told you quite a bit about this book before here, so I’ll spare you the big spiel about prosopagnosia. Instead, let me tell you about why this book was such a good read!

Honestly, the thing that struck me first was the title. I mean, nerdy girls. That’s my love language. Nerdy is a word that truly describes me to a T and I try pretty hard to embrace it, as opposed to shying away and trying to insist that I’m cool (I swear!) because I’m not. I’m a nerd. And that’s ok. (You had me at nerdy, Lisa. You had me at nerdy.)

Nerdy Girls is a totally self-written, self-published, and self-promoted masterpiece. I’m so impressed by the circumstances in which Lisa wrote the book. And besides all that, it’s GOOD! Really good! I think everyone in our book club agreed that the ending was a little too brief… like all of the sudden everything was clear, the murderer was captured, the hero and heroine were in love, and it was the end. But besides that, truly  a good read. Especially because of the prosopagnosia piece. (Clearly, I lied when I told you I’d spare you that spiel because here it comes).

Like women in real life, women in books are insecure for all sorts of different reasons, but it seems most often to be related to physical (I’m not thin enough!) or emotional (you don’t think I’m thin enough!) insecurities… this was the first time I considered the notion of a neurological insecurity, and I thought that was really interesting. To be honest, the way that the main character Liz copes with her neurological condition is actually very similar to the way I’d say I cope with depression in public. You know the motions, you know the drill, so even if you don’t really feel it, you can smile when you need to, chuckle when you ought, and make it through day after day after day out in the world without anyone ever being the wiser. It was a fascinating thing for me to think about!

When I went and heard Lisa Boero speak at the Marshfield Public Library, she mentioned that she had five more books in the nerdy girl series on the way. (Exciting!) Apparently though, all of the books feature Liz’s prosopagnosia-based story. That’s super cool, I really liked Liz, but how fascinating would it be to have all sorts of different “nerdy” girls with different neurological and/or psychiatric issues as the heroines?! I thought it would be really cool! (Note that I’m using the word cool here in a way you may be unaccustomed to it being used… you know what I mean.) I said so to Lisa during the Q&A (I got so brave for a minute) and she seemed intrigued by the idea… although I’m sure she’d have to quit her day job to research other disorders since prosopagnosia is the only one she’s got! Regardless, if you see that series come out sometime in the future, you can totally credit me!!

 

Deadly Contact by Lara Lacombe

{Available at Amazon.com}
{Available at Amazon.com}

OMG! I loved this book. I absolutely devoured it.

I remember the day I read it very distinctly because my in-laws were over and my sister-in-law came over with her copy, thinking she might read a bit. I had just finished something else and can’t stand when my SIL thinks she reads faster than me (because she doesn’t) so I picked up my copy too, thinking I’d get a little ways in once everyone left. Except I couldn’t… stop…

I have no idea how late I was up reading, but it was seriously late. I woke up the next morning and started reading again in bed (good thing it was Saturday– that may have been difficult to explain to the boss), eventually moved my behind out to the couch, and didn’t stop until mid-afternoon when I was completely done and left quite satisfied with the ending.

It was just that good! Not only that, but I actually know know the author… like she’s a personal friend of mine. She’s an absolutely brilliant and meticulous scientist, she mentored me in my first ever grad school rotation, and the last thing I would have ever guessed would be that she happened to dabble in romantic suspense on the side. And that she’s really, really good at it! How the? What?

So not only is it brilliantly written, truly romantic, and exceptionally suspenseful, but all the freaking SCIENCE is correct, too! For instance, near the end of the book, she was describing the vial of yellow-ish opaque liquid that Kelly was going to have to deliver to the bad guy and I thought to myself, “Lara, you know better– if it were liquid and not on ice, all the bacteria would be dead, and the bad guy would be tipped off immediately.” And then that’s what Kelly said to the guys in the FBI… because she’s like Lara, and she knows her science.

Now, how Lara knows her romance… that leaves much up to the imagination, but clearly she’s expert. Definitely an awesome read and another in the works for later this year, I believe– I will be anxiously awaiting it!

 

Mary: Mrs. A Lincoln by Janis Cooke Newman

{Available at Amazon.com}
{Available at Amazon.com}

Another book I absolutely loved. Although, with some caveats.

First, the book is really, really long. At 620 pages, it takes you through Mary Todd Lincoln’s life from beginning to end and spares little detail, I’m sure. I loved the completeness of it, but there are really only so many times you need to hear about how Lincoln’s great oration made Mary’s “bosom heave” before it becomes a bit much. I get it. He talks, she’s hot and bothered. It was the 1800s… what are you gonna do?

The other kind of crappy part is how confused I feel about Mary Todd Lincoln now. I thought I knew some things about her, but now I am plain confused. I’m pretty sure I’m going to need to read an actual biography now because I’m so disturbed by some of the things about Mary’s life that may or may not have been fictionalized. You see, the book is based on the historical facts of Mary’s and her family’s life, but it’s also historical fiction, which means it is, in fact, fiction. So… did Mary Lincoln really have an affair during Lincoln’s presidency? Were her tendency for hoarding and her attachment to things really as horrifying as they sound? Was Robert really that unloving toward his parents, his brothers, and his wife? Clearly, I’ve got some researching to do! It’s difficult sometimes for me to appreciate the good and bad about a historical subject. I get that people are complicated, and always have been, but it can be hard not to idolize people who did so much good in their lives and are now long gone… to remember that they weren’t perfect.

But besides all that… a truly awesome read. I’m completely fascinated by the Civil War era and this book really highlights some of the most important injustices suffered, especially by women, at the time. Not only that, but it really highlights how far psychology has come over the last nearly 200 year. We’re much better at not poisoning crazy people, or even accusing them and labeling them of being crazy, as we were back then. The “remedies” Mary took, and Lincoln too, were just disturbing!

Probably the most interesting thing to me in the whole book was that the worst offense ever uttered to Mary during her life was related to the notion that she, a woman, might have had some sense of ambition. Can you even imagine?!

This was definitely the most mixed of our books so far, in terms of reception. I really liked it and so did one other member of the book club… the other two struggled to finish and probably wouldn’t readily recommend it. So I’d say it’s a taste thing for this one. The nerdier you are, the more likely it is to be your cup of tea (sorry, Emily, but like I said above– I really don’t think of nerdiness as a bad thing and you are legitimately cool and pretty, even though you liked Mary like I did).

***

Next up we’re reading Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese. Spoiler Alert: It’s really freaking good. Like so good I force people to read it by telling them they have to pick it as their next book club book. Abraham Verghese is an MD who wrote a beautiful, beautiful work of fiction and I’m super excited to read it again. I read it crazy fast the first time, wanting to know more, more, more… this time I can slow down a bit and really think about some of the things I might have thought of only briefly the first time around. I’m already really enjoying it. But more on that next quarter, yes?

Have you read anything good lately? Are we friends on GoodReads? We should be!

 

A nerdy girl’s happy accident.

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Kind of a crazy night last night. Definitely not what I expected. Fortunately for a “nerdy girl” like me, expectations aren’t always meant to be met.

We’ve gotten our fair share of snow here in central Wisconsin over the last couple of weeks and my husband and I had a shoveling date (su-per romantic) planned for after work. In retrospect, I should have eaten a snack before hand. But I didn’t. So an hour and a half and goodness knows how many shovel-fulls of snow later, I was much more hungry than I generally like to be. (Seriously, I do not handle hunger well– it makes me panicky. You’d think I’d have experienced food insecurity or something in my life the way I behave. But nope. Just food neuroses.) I was also sweaty and had cra-a-a-zy hair from sweating while wearing a hat and being constantly bombarded with snow blower snow dust. To complete the look: yoga pants tucked into snow boots. I believe this is what the kids call a “hot mess.”

I dragged my starving butt back to the truck and the husb (because “hubs” really doesn’t make sense to me– that’s not the order the letters go in!) and I decided we’d get Culvers (mmmm… butter burger…) and soon! But two quick errands first!

We went to Fleet Farm first. I was starving, so it was unpleasant. But my ridiculous looking self fit right in. In fact, there’s probably no better place in all of Marshfield to show off the kind of look I was rocking right then, to be honest. It was a quick trip, in and out, and back to the car and one more stop to go!

But that’s where my expectations went awry.

I had never actually been to a book signing, I’d only seen them on tv, really, and I expected the author to be sitting at a table, surrounded by stacks of her books and a personal assistant or security guard or something. I expected to walk in, wait in a line, have my book signed, and go.

What I forgot was that I live in Marshfield, Wisconsin, population 19,000-ish, yoga pants tucked into snow boots pretty much a-o-k November through February. (Fine, March. Whatever.) And the author was too. So this was not a made-for-tv book signing.

It was actually quite a bit better than that!

The Marshfield Public Library was hosting author Lisa Boero, who wrote the book Murderers and Nerdy Girls Work Late. (Oh, and also FIVE more in the series! Woot!) It was the first book we read as a book club and it was awesome. And different. So different.

Nerdy Girls
{Available on Amazon!}

You see, Liz Howe, Nerdy Girl heroine, has prosopagnosia, or face blindness. She cannot recognize faces. Interestingly, Lisa Boero, Nerdy Girl author, also has face blindness. So she’s actually writing her super clever fiction from a place of personal experience– and that made for a really interesting talk last night! (Because that’s what it was, a reading, a talk, a Q&A, PLUS a book signing… there’s my happy accident!) It was fascinating to hear not only what Lisa had to say about her condition and her fictional character with her real condition, but also to hear all of the questions people asked her. Most interesting of all, and very Under-the-Tapestry-relevant was her reason for writing about it.

Lisa knew she had a really hard time recognizing people– she thought she was stupid. Although she acquired prosopagnosia sometime around the age of 12 (coinciding with removal of a brain tumor), Lisa had no idea that her issues were even a legitimate medical concern until she started dating her husband, who happens to be a neurologist, in her 20s. She never even thought to ask. Instead, the number one driver in her life was the desire to be “normal” at any cost.

But now Lisa Boero has a 10-year-old daughter and what she wants for her is to know that when you experience a hardship, you can use it as a springboard for growth. (Her example: another rejection letter about her book? at least it’s not a brain tumor!) And that no matter what, you should never hide who you are. But how could she ask that of her daughter if she couldn’t do that for herself? So she did do it for herself. She came out about her condition to her friends and family (her husband knew, of course, but her kids had no idea) and “nerdy girl” Liz was born.

And Liz is fascinating. Lisa is too.

Sound familiar?

Probably not, because what Lisa Boero went through was pretty extreme. But I just kept thinking that it was such a good lesson. An extreme example of something crazy common. That middle school desire to be normal, no matter what. To fit in in any way that you can and hide your true self away if you can’t. Lisa seems to recognize now that having prosopagnosia is something that makes her extraordinarily unique… and exceptionally interesting to a lot of people, not just neurologists. Myself included.

As I sat in the next to last row with my crazy hair and dripping snow boots, I was absolutely mesmerized. I loved listening to Lisa talk and despite my ridiculously loud stomach screaming “Feed me, Seymour!” every 30 seconds or so, the hour and a half long “book signing” just flew by. Not only that, but I took the opportunity to get signed up for the Marshfield Public Library Adult Winter Reading Program and earned NINE entries into the prize drawings for registering and attending the book signing. Double bonus, much? This is way better than BookIt! (Unless what I end up winning is a pizza gift certificate… then it’s exactly like BookIt…)

A little while ago, my friend Adriane who co-shares (not a real thing) my Kindle account (shhhhh) forced me to read The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat by Oliver Sacks… it’s essentially a series of case reports about people with strange neurological disorders. While I technically read it, I didn’t really internalize it, probably because I couldn’t really imagine the people described in the real world. But now I can. And I’m fascinated. I think I’m going to give that man and his wife/hat another shot… there may be more nerdy girls in there and I need to re-visit that possibility!

How to Start a Book Club in 10 Easy Steps

Awesome Things, Instructions for Life, , , , , , , , ,

My husband (well, at the time boyfriend and eventually fiance) used to travel a lot for work while I was in grad school.  Sometimes I was super lucky and gto to go with him so that I could hang out with his boss’s wife, and my bff, Melissa (Boston! Miami! Seattle!  We’ve had pedicures all over this great country of ours!), but most of the time, I had mice and I had to stay home to tend to them.

Doing a mouse experiment is seriously exhausting.  They are tedious, they are long, and they are non-stop until the bitter end.  (Bitter for the mice, not so much for me…)  So, to unwind, I binged on movies.  And my drug of choice?  Romantic comedies, of course!

During one of those Seth-less rom-com marathons, I watched The Jane Austen Book Club… and my life was changed forever.  I absolutely loved the movie, but more than that, it sparked in me a brilliant idea.  You’ll never guess what it was!

I kid, of course, because it’s ridiculously obvious:

I was going to start my own book club!

While I love, adore, worship, and consume anything and everything Jane Austen wrote with a very happy heart, I realize that Pride and Prejudice isn’t exactly everyone’s cup of tea.  So I decided we’d read something else… and anything else!  I quickly sent out an email to some of my local girlfriends that I thought might be interested, asking them to join my book club.  And some of them did!

We met once a month-ish, took turns picking books, and read and chatted and ate and drank until I left the state.

I hear things may have continued even without me, but you can imagine that it’s hard for me to believe that a solar system could function without its sun…

(Seriously hoping The Big Bang Theory picks that line up for Sheldon to use… what a jerky, but hilarious, thing to say! ha!)

Anyway, that book club was such a saving grace for me.  Getting together with my friends, bonding over our shared experiences with the books we were reading as well as life in general and grad school in particular was awesome.  Jess, Stephanie, Ellen, Christine, and Alyssa were my lifelines and it was such a good way to de-stress and have fun in the midst of all of the things that were so stressful and un-fun (see description of mouse experiments above).

Since moving to Marshfield, I have really missed that book club.  I love having a group of good girlfriends and while I work (and play!) with a bunch of really amazing women (seriously, they are incredible— everyone deserves to have coworkers like this), I was really missing that piece of the puzzle that book club had become for me while I lived in Maryland.

So, in the midst of much hemming and hawing (not to mention all the whining about it being so hard to make friends in Marshfield) I decided to start a book club.

In a town where you don’t really have many friends, however, deciding to do something and actually doing something are two very different things.  So again with the hemming and the hawing, toying around with ideas, and dragging my awkward and nervous feet…

I thought about putting up flyers at the library, but not a ton of people my age use the library… I thought about posting an ad in the Pulse classifieds, but that’s internal to the Marshfield Clinic and I didn’t want to limit the book club to only people that work in the same place I do… I thought about advertising on Craigslit or MeetUp, but neither are as big in central Wisconsin as you might think for such a bustling metropolis and I was doubtful that I’d get much of a response…  So I procrastinated.  Until I figured it out.

And now, without further ado (because that was a lot of ado), I will share with you how I did it, in 10 simple steps.

How to Start a Book Club in 10 Easy Steps

1. Drop hints to gauge interest.  The best people to invite to a book club are, obviously, book enthusiasts… people who like to read.  And people you think you could be friends with.  So drop some hints in places you frequent, see if anyone expresses and interest, and start building a mental guest list.

Gauging Interest in Book Club

2. Choose a book.  Stop stressing about which book… just pick a book!  Pick something you’ve been interested in reading, or ask someone you’re planning to invite to pick something they are interested in reading.  There are a million and one different book club reading lists out there, and you could totally try one of those, but why not let everyone take a turn to pick– yourself included!  You’ll end up reading things you may not have otherwise picked up and that’s kind of fun!  Plus, everyone gets to feel like they’ve had input and like they can share their interests with the group.

3. Set a date.  True, it’s going to be hard to find a day that works for everyone, but it’s not going to happen for anyone unless you pick a date and time and get the ball rolling.  I ended up picking the second Thursday of the month for reasons described below in step number 5… it worked brilliantly!  The majority of the people I invited were able to come and the couple that couldn’t know that they have an absolutely commitment-free standing invitation, whether they’ve read the book or not!

4. Send an invitation.  Facebook, Facebook, Facebook!  So easy to capture someone in your Facebook web when you tempt them with a book club… and once you do you can send big, weird, group messages all the time.  Yes!  Seriously though, the event thing worked great.  I sent a message with the date, time, and location and included a link to the book on Amazon.  However you do it– send that invite with plenty of time for people to read the book.  No stress, low commitment is the best way to get people engaged and to have fun without feeling like it’s something else they have to do.

5. Engage spouses, significant others, and man friends who may not like to read.  Books aren’t for everyone, and as such, book clubs aren’t for everyone.  Personally, I like love stories… a lot.  So when I pick a book, it’s likely going to have an element of that going on and men, in particular, are often averse to such things.  So I was planning to invite a bunch of girls over and Seth was wondering what he was going to do.  Solution: Thursday night football!  Husbands, significant others, and man friends were sent invitations to what I like to call “Super Man Time Football Club” to coincide with our book club.  They were banished (with snacks) to the big tv in the basement and we stayed upstairs to chat about the book.  It worked brilliantly and it was super fun having everyone over with no one feeling left behind.  Rumor has it that Seth is thinking a foosball table in the man cave would really complete the experience 😉

6. Read the book. The second best part!  (Second only to talking about the book with other people that read it!)  Leave yourself lots of time so you don’t have to rush or stress as the date approaches and enjoy the heck out of it– because that’s the whole point!

7. Tame house beasts.  For me, this meant cleaning like a mad woman, hiding visible messes in closets and Seth’s office, and feeding my crazy dog two benadryl.  The cleaning and the hiding seemed pretty effective, the benadryl did not.  She may have cost us a member or two, but hopefully most everyone will see past the crazy into the cuteness that is my Curly girl and be willing to come back.

8. Prepare snacks.  Snacks and drinks for book club are super fun for me.  I especially love when I can make something that fits with the theme of the book.  (I’m a nerd.)  For example, we read a book by a local Marshfield, Wisconsin author, so I made Wisconsin-shaped cookies and marked the city of Marshfield with a cow sprinkle.  I also bought lots of Wisconsin made wine.  (Please remember that Wisconsin is not exactly known for it’s wine.  I now regret this purchase.  You live, you learn.)  But regardless of whether they are somehow based on the theme of the book or not, wine and snacks are always an excellent way to start and finish a book club.

9. Eat, drink, chat, and discuss the book.  The meat of the party!  The whole point, if you will.  Sit around in the comfiest positions possible, bring your book, and chat about what you liked, what you didn’t, take the tangents that lead you elsewhere and come back, and (some cheese to go with my Wisconsin theme) enjoy the friendships that develop!

10. Gather, rinse, repeat.  (Do you see what I did there?)  Keep it up!  Make sure you have the next book picked out and a date in advance.  Having a rule like “second Thursday of the month” makes it easy to shift the date slightly as necessary during different times of the year, but it’s kind of nice to have an idea of when it’s coming up– always another month, another book, and another meeting of the minds to look forward to!

Book Club

Last night was my first book club in this new town… and it was a smashing success!  And not only was book club a success, but so was Super Man Time Football Club!  I had a blast, and I have it on good authority that at least two of the other attendees did as well.  (Because they told me.)  But I’m pretty sure that everyone had a good time.  Everyone at least had good food.  (And someone else brought good wine, so we were saved from the Wisconsin atrocity I had over-purchased.)

The thing that was most striking to me was first, that no one else had ever been in a book club (that movie really made it seem like it was a thing everybody just does) and second, that everyone was kind of in the same boat as me, friend-wise.  What a revelation!  Guess what fixed both of those things: BOOK CLUB.

So whether you’ve ever done it before and whether or not you’ve already got a lot of established friends in your town, if you like to read and you’re looking for new ways to connect, a book club could be a great thing to do.

If you don’t like to read, or even if you like to read but want to supplement your book clubs with other such meetings of friends, here are some excellent ideas we brainstormed in our excitement last night (plus something we’ve already done once):

  • Game Night (Get everyone together to play board games– boys against girls?  So much fun!  Yes, this is the one we’ve done before.)
  • Romantic Comedy Watching Club (A chance to watch a romantic comedy with girlfriends once a month?  yes, please!  You know we’ll be starting with Love Actually.)
  • Pinterest Party (Each person brings enough materials for everyone to make one or two Pinterest crafts and then you all get together to make them– everyone leaves with one of each thing but only had to purchase supplies for one!  Genius!)
  • Cookie Exchange (Like the Pinterest party, but you bring cookies to share… and recipes!  Come with a boat load of chocolate chip, leave with a little bit of chocolate chip, sugar, molasses, gingerbread, pinwheels, spritzes, whatever…)
  • Shopping trip to Appleton (works best if you live in small-town Wisconsin, of course)

No matter what you decide might work for you, I hope you find a way to engage in your community.  This truly was this missing piece for me in Marshfield… I think I’m finally home.