Why I Am [Still] Catholic — or perhaps you would disagree. Either way.

There’s a big book I want to read, but as with that grocery store, I’m a little scared to read it. (I’m such a chicken!) I can’t really put my finger on what makes me nervous about it, exactly, but I think it’s important that before reading the book, I at least make an attempt at finding my own answer.

The book is Why I Am A Catholic by Gary Wills.

And today I’d like to talk about why am Catholic. Or at least my very best, super non-eloquent, attempt at explaining why. Because Joan suggests that it might be time.

“Keep traveling, Sister! Keep traveling! The road is far from finished!” –Nelle Morton

Unrelated side note: sisters are the best, best, best!

“Indeed we are not finished. The struggle for women is only just begun actually. But I have come to the conclusion that social change does not happen in a straight line. It’s run and coast, run and coast all the way. This is another deceleration period, perhaps. Everything has quieted, slowed for a while, no big demonstrations, no great amount of organizing. But it is precisely now that we must not stop or we will stand to lose our hearts along the way.” –Joan Chittister

Whether you agree or disagree with me, in my own personal world where the opinions are 100% and entirely my own, my struggle with my faith has often been reflected in, as Joan calls it, “the struggle for women.” Where the word “women” can be replaced with any truly marginalized segment of the population.

I am what many would call a “cradle Catholic” — I was born into the faith. My parents met as catechism teachers, for pete’s sake! (And their first date was to see the Star Trek movie and they’re so cute/gross (they are  my parents, it has to be a little gross to me) and so happy even after like a million years and three wack job kids and a bad, bad dog– I love their story!)

Anyway, I was born to Catholic parents. Baptized in the Catholic church. Attended CCD once a week during elementary school, went to mass on Sundays, made my basic sacraments, and wore the pretty dresses when required (Easter, Christmas, but none more beautiful than my first communion dress– handmade by my mom, eyelet lace, and I loooooved it).

I even went to youth group off and on as an awkward teen. And oh snap was I ever awkward. It’s hard not to cringe when I even think about youth group… (I had such a crush on this handsome young man (that’s the old lady way of saying “total hottie!”) named Andrew who had gone to my school before leaving for a private Catholic school. I screwed up the courage to ask him to Homecoming my senior year. He initially said yes and I freaking flipped until he reversed his decision on account of “Saturday night hockey practice” (riiiight… i.e. I can’t go to Homecoming with a nerd at my old school! I’ll never hear the end of it) and I was very understanding (to him) and mortified (in private) and all that. Oh, so so so cringe-worthy! Although, date or no, in retrospect, I looked HOT at that Homecoming dance, so whatevs. Also, good on me for having the courage to ask!!)

[[[Dang it! I was sure I had a picture somewhere around here from that dance– lots of other dances, Homecoming, Coming Home, Prom, etc… but not that particular one. I looked good though, I promise. And even if I didn’t, I was awesome! His loss!]]]

I even went to church on my own in college. I walked up the hill from Wadsworth Hall to St. Al’s in Houghton and sang my little heart out whenever I could get out of bed in time to make it (because think what you like, I love traditional Catholic hymns– I just do). A lot of my friends were Catholic too, so it was always a social experience, and when I started dating Seth my sophomore year we had that in common. It’s always just been a thing. Albeit, a rote thing, because this-is-the-way-it’s-always-been thing. Not much in the way of thought at any point. Although, I should point out that I was not confirmed in the church along with my peers… because I didn’t really see the need, and neither did my parents who were going through their own thoughtful faith period. While it has caused me some problems along the way (marriage prep– oy), I do not regret it. It would have just been another meaningless hoop to jump through on what was already a very rote path. I have since toyed with the idea of going through the RCIA process to become confirmed as an adult and I am grateful for that because over and over again it has made me examine the central teachings of my Catholic faith with a more discerning, thoughtful, and critical eye than I would have possessed at any point earlier in my life and that has made all of the difference.

The next natural place to go as I’m writing this is, I’m sure, toward a theological discussion of what I agree with, what I disagree with, and so on. But instead, let’s just say that my concerns center largely around the way certain groups of people are treated– women, LGBTQ individuals, divorced/remarried couples, the homeless, etc. (Sigh for Catholics in San Francisco at the moment, yes? Seems as though they’ve been in the media recently for every last one of these things.) It bothers me because I feel confident that Jesus loved everyone and that as followers of Jesus (i.e. Christians) we are also called to love everyone, always, no matter what, and with no questions asked. Even when it’s hard. Lepers and prostitutes, tax collectors and pharisees. Everyone is welcome. And we even sing that, in church, some Sundays– allll are welcome, allll are welcome, alllll are welcome in this place. I really, really believe that.

So the question then becomes: why stay? Why do I still consider myself a Catholic?

Reasonable question, and one I have honestly and whole-heartedly asked myself. For a few months a year or so ago I found myself bouncing around from church to church to church. I tried them all locally, and even not so locally (driving long distances on Sunday morning was not something I particularly enjoyed, but I tried it, to be thorough). I liked the service at the Episcopalian church in town (the minister even referenced Joan Chittister in her homily! sermon, maybe?), but ultimately, even that just didn’t fit quite right. It wasn’t comfortable. It wasn’t home.

In the end, I still attend Catholic mass on Sunday with my husband. I get quite a bit out of it, but sometimes it definitely makes me a bit rage-y. Mostly only when the homily gets political– even subtle politicization is enough to boil my blood. But I can listen respectfully and dissent in the car on the way home. I can do it. And I can work to change those things from elsewhere. To make my church more just. To make my spiritual home a place that I am proud of. Hence, my involvement in Call To Action.

In the end, I relate it back to politics after all. I may not always like my political leaders and the policies put forth in the US, but I’m not going to move to Canada over it. I’m sure there’d be something there I would disagree with too. And ultimately, Canada, lovely as it may be, is not my home… not the place I feel like I belong. (Granted, I have not tried living in Canada, so that’s not a super fair statement, but I’m sure you get my drift.)

When I think about this concept of your church or faith or lack thereof as a home or place of comfort, I think that my husband’s family really demonstrates how true that is. My father-in-law is Catholic and my mother-in-law is Lutheran. Neither converted or changed anything when they got married. My MIL continues to attend her Lutheran church and my two sisters-in-law have always gone with her. My FIL continues to attend his Catholic church and my husband has always gone with him. All three kids are amazing people– morally upstanding, grounded in their faith, kind, beautiful and compassionate and spiritual people. Two were raised Lutheran, one was raised Catholic, all three came from a household that values family and love and respect and hard work. The two raised Lutheran have chosen to remain Lutheran, likewise for the Catholic, and while I haven’t actually asked them why exactly, I imagine that the concept of familiarity and home would come to mind eventually if I did. Probably the same would be true for their parents– they still got married and spent the rest of their lives (to date… can’t predict the future, of course, but their also pretty cute/gross) loving, respecting, and raising a family with one another. And I think that’s what we’ll all do as we grow up– what our parents did. Seth and I will (fingers crossed!!!) have children someday and raise our kids in the Catholic church, but we’ll also raise our kids according to our own moral values and our kids will be shown that all people are welcome, no matter what, no questions asked, because that’s what we think Jesus would do. And more to the point, what we think is right. Should someday they decide to move on to a faith or religion or spiritual practice (or, again, lack thereof) in which they feel more comfortable, more at home, that’s totally cool. For me, it just so happens that that place of spiritual comfort is Catholicism.

Progressive Catholicism, anyway. Catholicism with a twist.

And that is my best answer to that question posed by Gary Wills. A long time in the making, but most brilliant works take a minute, eh? 😉

I think I am ready to read that book now. To see what Gary has to say. (True story: I almost wrote Mr. Wills right there, but then stopped myself– I never write Ms. Chittister, or even Sister Chittister… I always call her Joan, like she’s my own personal friend and never with the respect of the title she’s probably owed. Yet, interestingly, I have actually seen Gary Wills speak in person, closer to a friend therefore than Joan is, and still I initially went for the mister. Glad I can catch myself in these super anti-equality moments. Wonder how many more I don’t catch?).

As you can see, I certainly can’t defend my Faith with any kind of theological argument, but my faith, with the little f, which is the one that I practice rather than the one I necessarily subscribe to or attend, isn’t based on theology really at all. It’s based on a feeling and an ideal of goodness and rightness that really isn’t something that can be argued one way another because it’s 100% personal. So I consider myself Catholic, whether or not I’m a good one according to the hierarchical Church. (And I doubt very much that I am.) But I don’t do it for them, I do it for me and for God. And no one can come between God and my conscience. (That’s a direct quote from a Catholic priest, btw. Must be true!)

I’d be really very curious to hear about the experiences of others– not the doctrinal/theological reason for belonging to one group or another or not at all, but rather, the personal history- and feelings-based reasons. I can’t be the only one, can I? Tell me about you!




PS: Talking about that youth group-based Homecoming rejection, and even more so, joking about it– HUGE deal for me! Turns out, it legitimately no longer hurts. And I’m grateful for the story. I wonder when that happened? (But was he ever dreamy to my 16 year old self…) FREEDOM!!

{Source} Kind of what it feels like 🙂

7 thoughts on “Why I Am [Still] Catholic — or perhaps you would disagree. Either way.

  1. I’m kind of in the same boat as you. Born and raised United Methodist and ended up researching and choosing Methodism as an adult. Actually I wasn’t confirmed as a teenager either! But I’m a full member after putting my fingers in holy water to “remember my baptism” and professing my faith (it’s a little easier than becoming a catholic!). And I REALLY like old hymns too!

    There’s a huge rift in the United Methodist Church regarding homosexuality. The official stance is that homosexuality isn’t consistent with biblical teachings– something I wholeheartedly disagree with. I’m a member of Reconciling Ministries, a group that seeks to close that rift within the church. I question being a part of the church all the time but have decided to “be the change I wish to see” and be a safe/friendly face. We’re currently in the process of getting a new pastor and I get to play a big role in it! I’m hoping to ruffle some feathers!

    1. YES– Aimee, that is IT! “Be the change I wish to see.” I feel like that’s it exactly. The whole thing, the whole reason why I stay, but fight. I hope you do ruffle some feathers, I hope you ruffle em real good! You’re so awesome and I love you!!!

  2. Rachel, you ALWAYS make me smile. We have actually had a few conversations about this throughout the years. My take on it is simple…I feel like the thing Jesus tried to teach the most was humanity: to value, treasure, and fight for humanity. To express compassion for others, respect for all regardless of social standing/race/ethnicity (all the descriptors that people like to make into dividers), fight to protect especially those who can not fight for themselves. I know it is simple but I try to live my life by one simple rule we learned long ago…do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I don’t always succeed, but I try. 🙂

  3. Very thoughtful and from the heart, Rachel. I’m so very proud of you, Abby and Tom for thinking and living as you see fit (in spite of my fatherly urge to micro-manage…sigh). Our twice-monthly Call To Action meetings here in the Ann Arbor-Ypsilanti area have become “church” for me. I feel that attending Mass is giving my approval to the hierarchical church’s stands against women and LGBT persons. If I were to do it all again, knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have raised you (although it is a joint parenting decision with mom) in the hierarchical church. The message that is being given, especially to women but men too, is that women are inferior because that is what God wants. It took me quite a while to wake up as the patriarchy of the church just seemed normal.

    A book you might like: http://www.amazon.com/Catholics-Crisis-American-Parish-Fights/dp/0201624583/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1427323779&sr=1-1&keywords=Catholics+in+Crisis%3A+An+American+Parish+Fights+for+Its+Soul

    It is a true story about a parishioner at Holy Trinity in Georgetown who decided to stand during Mass to protest the denial of women’s ordination. It caused quite an uproar in a supposedly progressive Catholic parish.

    I love you!

    1. I hate to hear you say that you would do anything differently, because I am glad for every decision you made, good or “bad.” Had you not raised me in the hierarchical church, I don’t know that I ever would have had occasion to question my faith. And without questioning my faith, my faith would not be as genuine as it has become, not would it have been able to evolve over time like it has. You may have raised us in the hierarchical church, but you also raised us to know that we are NOT less, that no one is, and that anyone who says or believes anyone else to be inferior is someone to be questioned at length. What better gift could you have given to us than a strong moral message and a confidence in our own ability to critically analyze and make decisions???

  4. Such an interesting topic! I think,to start, if it’s any surprise or comfort, no matter who we are and how we are raised (just like you said to your dad in the comment above), if we dont have a point where we question/search/wonder/even doubt our faith, I think we are in danger of it shattering at the smallest or biggest storms when they show up- it has to be real, which means it has to stand the test of questions. I also would say that no matter what denomination or group or background we come from, they each have areas that we struggle with- sometimes to the point of giving up religion or a specific association with a specific group- I certainly have issues with many of the beliefs and overtones of growing up Southern Baptist. I spent a lot of time angry at “them” in general until I over time realized all of us are just people who make up groups and people aren’t perfect. So we find our way to God and we find the people who help us as we learn to love him more and care about what he cares about and in the end I don’t even think it’s the “group” that matters. It’s what we do with what we feel called to do in our little circle of the world. I’m bordering on rambling but I think that we are all made up of the people and experiences that make our minutes of our lives and sometimes we are called to move our light to a different place and sometimes we are called to shine our light right in the place we’ve always been. Who has more credibility and insight and respect than someone who’s been there all along? So I say embrace right where you feel led to be and say what you feel led to say! I have a feeling God is pretty proud of exactly who you are and you are just his favorite!

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